I BREAK HORSES
"WE ARE UNTIL OUR BODIES STOP." SWEDISH SHOEGAZERS' DEBUT IS THE PERFECT PRESCRIPTION
Maria Lindén and Fredrik Balck are a pair of hypochondriacs who met on an online medical forum and wound up starting a band together. It's not every day you get to write an opening sentence like that, but in Bella Union debut Hearts I Break Horses have crafted an album every bit (well okay, nearly) as gripping as their backstory.
A bold and beguiling mix of viscous, honey-drizzled dream pop, pulsing electronics and enveloping shoegaze texture, the record's easy appeal masks dark themes at play - specifically, Linden and Balck's morbid condition on tracks like 'Cancer', and the former's related phobia of her own heartbeat on 'Pulse'.
Research on the pair's hypochondria makes for surprising reading. Lindén, as it turns out, may be what's known as a 'cyberchondriac' - described as a person experiencing 'unfounded escalation of concerns about common symptomology based on review of search results and literature online', and apparently a source of growing concern among the medical community.
Delving into some of the health forums online in the name of 'research' (draw your own conclusions) shines light on a rather dark and lonely corner of the internet; genuine complaints mingling with weird obsessions, false hopes and lost souls in a bewildering torrent of (mis)information. For someone with Linden's affliction, you could imagine them becoming horribly addictive.
We caught up with the musician at home in Sweden, where she seemed perfectly at ease talking about her condition, and its role in shaping the music of I Break Horses.
Hi Maria, we hear you and Fredrik met in pretty unusual circumstances?
That's right, I used to visit this medical forum quite often. We had some of the same symptoms for this sort of cancer that we both thought we had, and we just started talking about that. And somehow we discovered we had some mutual friends and that we were both in bands, and we met through those mutual friends later on. But the first contact with Fredrik was through this medical forum.
Did you arrange to meet him on the internet, or was it coincidence when you finally did run into each other?
It was coincidence. I don't think I would have wanted to meet with someone off the forums!
Was that the first time you'd met someone else with hypochondria in person?
Well, it's self-diagnosed hypochondria with me. I actually think it's pretty common - when people think something is wrong they'll look on the internet and try to Google they symptoms they have. So he's probably not the first one I've met, but he's maybe the first severe case I've come across.
Does being in the company of another hypochondriac make things easier?
I think it makes things worse! It doesn't calm you down talking to someone else with the same fears, it just makes the whole thing more difficult. We try not to talk about it too much, because if he tells me he's having certain symptoms then I end up feeling the same way, it's always the most severe form of something we think we have...
You do realise now the cat's out of the bag on this one everyone's going to want to know more, right? Do you mind talking about this stuff?
Well, I've had this since I was a kid. I always thought I was sick in some way, and it's not as bad these days actually, so I don't find it specifically awkward to talk about these things with a stranger. I can laugh about it as well, it's not like it makes me totally depressed. I guess we wouldn't have mentioned it from the start if we thought it was a really big issue talking about it.
Having visited a few of these sites myself they strike me as slightly disconsolate places.
Yeah... The problem is I don't stop myself. It's not like there are forums for hypochondriacs, where you'll be told, 'You probably only have a cold,' or something. It's always, 'You probably have a combination of HIV, cancer and every other horrible disease,' But in the beginning it was really bad - I went to the doctor once a month. At one point I made the mistake of saying, 'Yeah, I'm sorry, I'm a bit of a hypochondriac,' and then afterwards with all the appointments I had it felt like they didn't take me seriously; it's like they'd made a note of it.
Are people generally sympathetic when you tell them about your condition? Or do they think you're faking it?
I don't think so. Of course people I don't know might think that but my friends know that's really the case, because I freak out completely when I think I have some kind of disease.
Are you an obsessive person in general?
Probably, yes. I always seem to find something new to get obsessed about and I just wear it out. Like if I find somewhere to go on vacation that I like I'll end up going there 20 times, until I'm tired of it.
Does that apply to your music as well?
Yeah, I think so.
In that you're a perfectionist?
It depends how you mean. To me, 'perfectionist', when it comes to music, might mean 'technically obsessed', whereas I'm the opposite. If something sounds too technically good then, yeah, I am a perfectionist - but in the opposite way; I need to remove everything that's too good because it doesn't give me the mood I want to express with a song... I'm sorry about my English, am I doing okay?
Don't worry! It's very good, very articulate. Is making music a cathartic thing for you in that sense?
It depends. It could be that I'm really happy about something when I write a song, but it can also help deal with things like the hypochondria; it can help me get the emotions out. But I definitely need to be able to feel something strongly to be able to make the music. I can't just sit down and write music if I don't feel anything. Mostly it's when I have a strong feeling and I have to get it out.
And who writes what in the band?
I make the music and then Fredrik and I go through ideas about the lyrics and write them down afterwards. He's very good; he can say in one great sentence what it would take me 10 sentences to say. It's been very easy so far, it works really well.
Is Fredrik very in tune with your own ideas about the music?
Yes, he really is and that's what makes this such a great collaboration. There have never been any difficulties, really - he always feels the same way about the songs I'm writing as I do.
Your shoegaze influences have already been written about elsewhere, but I read that you're also very inspired by films. Which films are you inspired by?
Hmm, well... It's difficult to pick, but if I were to choose it would be Wings Of Desire - that's such a great film. It hasn't been influential directly for this album, but when writing music I do think in images, and I could describe the album as a soundtrack to all my favourite movies onscreen and in my head... People have talked a lot about the shoegaze thing but that's just one fragment really.
I hear the record's also inspired by a phobia you have of your own heartbeat? Jesus. That must be tough.
There's one track called 'Pulse' and that's kind of about my fear of my own pulse, but I like that man/machine conflict in general; the fact that we are until our bodies stop. The pulse phobia has been a very difficult thing for me - I try to find reasons for it. I think in part it's the fact I'm a control freak, which can be as specific as worrying about the fact that I can't control my heart beat... I mean, it can stop and I can't do anything about it. So it's a combination of the fear of dying and not being able to control the situation. But the positive thing is I can use this phobia and create a beautiful piece of music with it; it can be therapeutic in that way.
Words: Alex Denney
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